marjaerwin | Recent Entries

Between struggling with my illness, and with the beatings and strobings, I've been working on a board-and-counters wargame of parts of the Ukrainian Civil Wars of 1917-1921.

http://www.legionwargames.com/legion_pre-order.php#TAT

The first set of scenarios focus on the conflict between the Directory, the Bolsheviks, and the Whites, after the fall of the Hetmanate. These take place between December 1918 and February 1919. The second set of scenarios focus on the conflict between the Makhnovists and Whites, with the Bolsheviks returning to southern Ukraine at the end. These take place between September 1919 and January 1920. There are 2-player and 3-player scenarios.

I could use more playtesters. With the playtest version, you would need to print out the maps and double-sided counters, and mount the double-sided counters on cardboard. With the final version, that won't be an issue. If you are interested in playtesting, please contact me.

176 Playing Pieces

P.S. From my last playtest of "Fall of the Directory:"

This time, the Directory held on in the Kyiv-Chernihiv area, after defeating Zelenyist forces there.

For several reasons, such as

* My ongoing struggles with chronic illness

* My past ignorance of transition

* Many people losing access to healthcare if Republican plans go through

I think I’m going to need to know more about medicine to take care of myself, and I don’t think I’m alone in this need.

For other reasons, such as

* Side effects of drugs and supplements

* Persistence of abusive treatments for queer and autistic kids

* Outbreaks of disease in under-vaccinated areas

* Growth of the police state and prison state with the drug war

I think we'd mostly be better off if we knew more about medicine.

What are good, cheap, accessible starting points?

I have been sick for two days with migraines and vomiting after getting strobed. Many people can have seizures from getting strobed.

P.S. I keep getting strobed.

Turn signals, unsafety signals, and hazardous lights all blind me, disorient me, sometimes hit me with migraines, and sometimes cause me to stumble into the street.

Emergency lights blind me, disorient me, inevitably hit me with migraines, cause me to lose my balance, and leave me sick and in agony for days afterwards.

P.P.S. Someone is firing a fast strobe out by the road right now. I know that those of us with strobe sensitivities aren’t allowed to drive on abled people’s roads, but we still have to walk down abled people’s roads, cross abled people’s roads, etc. I am safe here and I hope no one gets injured or killed this time.

I won't be able to participate in any protests, let alone resistance, unless my health improves. But I'm planning to read a few more works on effective nonviolent resistance:

* Why Civil Resistance Works, by Erica Chenoweth & Maria J. Stephan,

* Building a Movement to End the New Jim Crow, by Daniel Hunter,

* On the Salt March, by Thomas Weber.

And to re-read a few works I'd read for earlier projects, such as:

* Some of the public records from the Seattle Accountability and Review Committee.

* The Battle in Seattle, by Janet Thomas.

* Netwar in the Emerald City, by Paul de Armond.

Before my illness, I prepared a transcript of the first several hours of the police radio recordings which were among those public records. I don't have a suitable place to post the public records and the transcripts, but if I did, other people might be able to use them.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/commute-chelsea-mannings-sentence-time-served-1

She is currently being held in solitairy confinement in a men's prison. This is not good. She could be subjected to worse abuse, and stripped of access to medical care, in the new regime: Trump supports torture, and Pence opposes trans rights. Commutation to time served could save her life.

Please, sign her petition for commutation, and share her petition with your friends.

I am not a lawyer, but I can recognize this.

The First Amendment:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble (sic), and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

A description of part of the “First Amendment Defense Act:”

“First, the bill applies to any corporation, organization, or person who “believes or acts in accordance with a religious belief or moral conviction that marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, or that sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage.””

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/11/16/the-gop-s-anti-lgbt-anti-women-religious-freedom-law-on-steroids.html

If Congress makes a law creating special privileges for certain religions and certain religious doctrines, that is an establishment of religion, and would violate the 1st Amendment. (Estate of Caldor v. Thornton struck down a far less selective law.)

And if Congress makes a law intended to stigmatize certain minorities, and promote discrimination against us, that can violate the 14th Amendment too. (Romer v. Evans.)

“In Everson v. Board of Education (330 U.S., 1947) the Supreme Court stated in its majority opinion: “The ‘establishment of religion’ clause of the First Amendment means at least this: Neither a state nor the Federal Government can set up a church. Neither can pass laws which aid one religion, aid all religions, or prefer one religion over another. Neither can force nor influence a person to go to or to remain away from church against his will or force him to profess a belief or disbelief in any religion. No person can be punished for entertaining or professing religious beliefs or disbeliefs, for church attendance or non-attendance. No tax in any amount, large or small, can be levied to support any religious activities or institutions, whatever they may be called, or whatever from they may adopt to teach or practice religion. Neither a state nor the Federal Government can, openly or secretly, participate in the affairs of any religious organizations or groups and vice versa. In the words of Jefferson, the clause against establishment of religion by law was intended to erect ‘a wall of separation between Church and State.’””

http://www.stephenjaygould.org/ctrl/courtrulings.html

P.S. This is a district court ruling against a similar state-level law. Almost all of the same constitutional objections apply:

http://www.vox.com/2016/7/1/12081536/mississippi-lgbtq-law-ruling

https://cdn2.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6736417/35-Memo-Opinion-and-Order.0.pdf

I had been a Christian. I can’t anymore.

First, too many American voters, and a majority of white and male American voters just voted for white supremacism, rape culture, conversion ‘therapy’, and the rest of the Trump campaign. So it’s a lot harder to trust people. And it’s a lot harder to assume people would reject such evils, unless I know they have rejected them.

Second, the extant gospels don’t really show Iesus repudiating rape culture. It’s likely that he did, and that his comments have been lost in the composition of the gospels. It’s possible that his comments have influenced the Pauline epistles. But it’s not certain enough. And it’s never clearly rejected in his comments about marriage, and divorce, and to the womon in the scene inserted in John. I can’t know that Iesus did reject that evil.

And without knowing that, I can’t trust Iesus enough to be a Christian.

I am disabled and I get beaten up several times each week. I have sound sensitivities, hyperacusis, and strobe sensitivities, and the widespread use of backup beepers, sirens, strobe lights, turn signals, etc. can incapacitate and endanger me. Current government policies treat those of us with similar disabilities as acceptable collateral damage, and Trump's policies won't improve things, and his encouragement of rape culture and neo-Nazism will add new dangers to the existing dangers. I got especially badly strobed before dawn one thursday last month, and was still in agony and vomiting the next saturday.

I have to wear ear plugs, ear protectors, and special sunglasses to go outside. I can't cross the street at busy intersections, due to all the turn signals, and can't use the phones, due to the fact that they're phones. I don't have access to regular work, or to the bus system, or to the poison control system, or other things abled people might take for granted.

I used to reject voting as violence. But the status quo is violence, and worsening it is violence, and voting to pressure politicians to stop hurting us isn't comparable violence. (Obviously voting to pressure politicians to continue hurting us is violence and those voters, like those politicians, have blood on their hands.)

If Trump wins, he will embolden them, he may start a nuclear war, and he will stop attempts to slow global warming.

If he loses, another like him could win.

I'm no fan of Clinton, or Stein, or Johnson, but I'm scared of Trump and Pence.

When you get beaten up, and people hassle you for screaming in pain and sometimes anger when you get beaten up.

A lot of people believe, first, that disability is always a problem with disabled people, and never in any way a oroblem with ableist society.

A lot of people believe, second, that if we just put our minds to it, we can overcome anything.

And that extends to holding that, first, it’s our responsibility to accommodate ourselves to all the accessibility barriers they pretend don’t exist, and all the violence they pretend doesn’t occur, and also, to all the slurs.

According to the New York Times and the Harriet Tubman Collective, 60% to 80% of the people killed by police were disabled:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/02/us/police-shootings-of-mentally-ill-suspects-are-on-the-upswing.html?_r=1

http://harriettubmancollective.tumblr.com/post/150072319030/htcvision4blacklives

And that's the tip of the iceberg of ableist policy.

Now, I have sensory processing issues. I can’t accommodate myself to backup beepers or strobe lights. I got very badly strobed before dawn on thursday, and was still in pain and vomiting saturday. I might be able to work on my balance to accommodate myself to the occasional car horn or turn signal, but still not to the busy intersections they expect me to cross at. If I’m hit by flashing lights, I will be blinded by them, and if I’m hit by flashing lights from several directions, I will lose my balance - and sometimes stumble into the street.

So if I’m going to function or even survive, other people have to stop hitting me so often.

I am at their mercy. And if they decide that ableism is a-okay, and that beating people up is a-okay, I am not okay; I will probably still be beaten again and again, and hit by cars once or twice or three times more, and eventually killed.

So that’s why the slurs hurt so much.

“Okay, so where should I begin? I’ve had a lot of trouble with things going haywire because I'd missed something at the beginning."

"Just start writing. You'll figure it out."

*Things go haywire. Maybe new text pops up in a font I don't use. Maybe a numbered list starts getting special formatting, gets broken in two, and gets renumbered as two lists. Maybe every other paragraph gets bolded. Maybe the computer just freezes or crashes. Admittedly most of these happened after someone asked me to work on a Word document that they'd formatted.*

"Okay, what can I do to keep this from going wrong?"

"You're supposed to set document fonts in preferences/use styles/use another word processor because this one is broken and isn't supported any more/etc. What do you mean you've made this whole document without these basic steps?"

"Now, my strobe sensitivity is getting worse. Is there any way to stop the blinking cursor?"

"We rely on system settings/sorry os x doesn't have that setting/there is this one hack/sorry LibreOffice doesn't respond to that hack."

"I guess I'll have to find another word processor which does respond. But I'll ask around first. I’ve had a lot of trouble with things going haywire because I'd missed something at the beginning."

"Just start writing. You'll figure it out."

*Things go haywire again.*

"Where's reload? This thing doesn't have any reload? or revert? I'll have to quit and restart from the old version."

*Word processor saves over old version as I quit.*

...sigh

(Yes, I currently use a mac. I used to use a Linux machine, but with my disabilities, hardware and driver accessibility were hit-and-miss and mostly miss.)

I got temp-banned a couple years ago for asking some accessibility questions.

I got banned again today for objecting to an ableist slur.

These have two things in common:

Both times, I objected to ableism.

And both times, after my post disappeared, I assumed it was just another glitch, and I reposted.

They have a formal rule against reposting deleted posts. But computers and internet connections glitch all the time, which is why we are all encouraged to save before posting, in case we have to repost. Everyone reposts. So banning people for reposting doesn’t make any sense, and isn’t believable. They didn’t bother to tell me that they’d deliberately deleted the post, or why, so I assumed it was just another glitch and I reposted. But banning people for objecting to ableism, and covering it with bullshit about banning for reposting is quite believable.

* I seem to be unusually sensitive to low-level exposure to fumes, salicylates, and so on. I can’t take most meds more than a couple days, at minimum doses, without getting sick, whether they’re processed through the liver or excreted through the kidneys. I can’t be around tobacco smoke, lysol, pine-sol, perfume, whatever some poisoner used outside my apartment, etc. without getting sick.

* I can get nasty migraines after salicylate exposure, after fructose/sucrose exposure, after any of the above gas exposures, after exercise, and of course after the pain-beatings.

Some hypotheses to consider:

* Salicylate intolerance and/or salicylate poisoning could explain my hyperacusis and strobe-induced vertigo. Cutting down on salicylates has helped, but it’s hard, and so far it hasn’t been enough.

* Could salicylates and/or toxins stored in body fat, and release during aerobic exercise, explain my post-exertional migraines?

Some puzzles:

* Can anything explain my unusual sensitivities to so many foods, fumes, medicines, and so on?

A lot of people insist beliefs are choices. I can’t understand how beliefs would be choices.

I *know* people have the choice to ignore their experiences, and ignore other evidence, but, to the degree that people follow their experiences, and follow other evidence, we may prefer one view, we may be familiar with some and unfamiliar with others, but we should allow reason to compel doubt, or compel rejection of our prefered explanation, or compel adoption of another.

To say people choose their beliefs seems like saying people can’t follow their experiences, and can’t follow other evidence.

I think values are choices, and people could be confusing beliefs with values.

(In fact belief used to refer to values.)

Why?

I’ve been in a multi-day argument with people:

(a) claiming that beliefs are choices,

(b) claiming that thinking that the earth orbits the sun isn’t a belief, because it’s a fact,

(c) claiming that “[my] idea of what constitutes choice seems to rule out the idea of choice for virtually everything defining of a person." ... as if that would be an argument against anything.

(I think the idea that we choose all the important things enables victim-blaming, and the just-world lie. I don’t choose to be chronically ill, or to be beaten up for my disabilities. I don’t even choose to be autistic and a womon, though I do value these things. I *do* choose to oppose war and other violence, though I’m unable to do any activism in this inaccessible society with my disabilities.)

(d) dismissing what I have said, as “just a bunch of words that don't say anything,” while

(e) addressing what I haven’t said, and wouldn’t mean.

I think there are four possibilities, three of which are relevant here:

(2) we mean different things by belief, or

(3) we mean different things by choice, or

(4) we have different experiences and understandings of how we reason (and misreason).

Since I'm autistic, and most people aren't, different experiences are always a possibility.

It’s frustrating as all hell though. If they’re honest, then either we don’t have enough of a shared language to talk about a shared rationality, or we don’t have enough of a shared rationality.

I have a hard time understanding how ultra-rich, pro-police-state, anti-immigrant, white supremacist, ableist, politicians are “anti-establishment.”

I am struggling with aftereffects of what may be lysol-fume exposure. It won’t kill me, but with my allergies and intolerances, it hurts like hell. I can’t use phones due to hyperacusis and other sensory processing issues, as well as loud construction noise.

I used the contact address on their web site.

It isn’t an emergency contact option, but I thought it might help me find emergency contact info.

The only emergency contact options are (a) to use their various hotline numbers, if you can use phones; (b) to use their various tty numbers, if you can register; in the States this requires being able to use phones and provide documentation that you can’t use phones, in typical catch-22; (c) to use 911, if you can use phones; or (d) to contact your doctor, if you can do that in an emergency and if you don’t need to use a phone to do that.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jul/28/chelsea-manning-suicide-attempt-military-charges-wikileaks

They drive her to the brink of suicide, and now they threaten to add 9 years to her sentence and torture her the whole time for attempting suicide.

P.S. Apparetly she's been sentenced to 14 days of torture. Still far better than 40 years.

I want to be able to cross the street without having to worry that I’ll be hit by a turn signal, disoriented by the safetyweapon, hit by a car again, and killed.

I asked the doctor for advice on vestibular exercises, or something, so I can keep my balance and sense of direction after being hit by safetyweapons.

I got emailed another copy of the usual pamphlet on migraines.

I am already doing what I can about my migraines, including avoiding too much fructose or salicylate, but it’s hard to do more, and I can’t get enough sleep with all the construction.

I want to know what I can do about losing my balance and sense of direction after being hit by safetyweapons.

I thought I had a great sense of balance, but I’ve often enjoyed balancing myself, spinning, etc. which may suggest vestibular hyposensitivity, and I keep losing my balance after being hit by safetyweapons.

(... Regardless of the ethics of voting.)

It makes more sense to blame:

* the supreme court for cancelling the vote counting and giving the presidency to Bush.

* the partisan purges of the voter rolls.

* the partisan control of the election system.

* the electoral college.

* the Gore legal team for pushing for a partial recount instead of a full recount.

* the Bush and Gore campaigns.

* the Bush voters.

And of course:

* the Bush administration themselves.

At the time, I still believed America had a semi-functional voting system, and I was still abled enough to vote. Since I was in a swing state, I agreed to trade with a Gore supporter in Texas.

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marjaerwin

July 2017

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Page Summary

Tatchanka - Playtesters Needed
Medical Self-Education?
Firing strobe weapons at an entire neighborhood is a reckless act of violence.
Preparatory Reading
Please, Sign Chelsea Manning's Petition for Commutation
The Republicans' proposed "First Amendment Defense Act" would blatantly violate the First Amendment.
Lost my Religion
I was already in an emergency situation...
So far, 38 million are voting for white supremacism, rape culture, and conversion 'therapy'...
(no subject)
Why Ableist Slurs Hurt (At Least For Me)
Each Time I Try to Work With Writing Software...
BoingBoing Banned me for Objecting to Ableism
(no subject)
Why do Some People Insist Beliefs are Choices?
(no subject)
Poison Control Doesn’t Cover Many Disabled People
Chelsea Manning May Face 40 Years of Torture
Help Me Survive Turn Signals!
Don’t blame the Nader voters for the Bush administration.

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