marjaerwin: (Default)
I am disabled and I get beaten up several times each week. I have sound sensitivities, hyperacusis, and strobe sensitivities, and the widespread use of backup beepers, sirens, strobe lights, turn signals, etc. can incapacitate and endanger me. Current government policies treat those of us with similar disabilities as acceptable collateral damage, and Trump's policies won't improve things, and his encouragement of rape culture and neo-Nazism will add new dangers to the existing dangers. I got especially badly strobed before dawn one thursday last month, and was still in agony and vomiting the next saturday.

I have to wear ear plugs, ear protectors, and special sunglasses to go outside. I can't cross the street at busy intersections, due to all the turn signals, and can't use the phones, due to the fact that they're phones. I don't have access to regular work, or to the bus system, or to the poison control system, or other things abled people might take for granted.

I used to reject voting as violence. But the status quo is violence, and worsening it is violence, and voting to pressure politicians to stop hurting us isn't comparable violence. (Obviously voting to pressure politicians to continue hurting us is violence and those voters, like those politicians, have blood on their hands.)
marjaerwin: (Default)
I have severe sensory processing issues, including severe hyperacusis.

I am unable to support myself or to move elsewhere, due to my sensory issues, the beatings, and other health issues.

I am unable to go anywhere near construction, due to my hyperacusis. Backup beepers are an absolute agony. When I am hit by backup beepers, I can’t do anything but curl up, scream in pain, and hope to die. I already wear ear plugs and ear protectors to help with all the other noises, but they aren’t nearly enough protection against backup beepers.

I just recieved notice of a construction project a couple blocks away. It may begin as early as February 19th.

I don’t think I’ll be able to get away.

I don’t think I’ll be able to survive the noise bombardment.

Logically, I should kill myself before the noise bombardment, and spare myself the agony.

I want some other option.

I've emailed the audiologist. I don't know what else I can do.
marjaerwin: (Default)
The Government's Interpretation of the Americans With Disabilities Act Mandates Violence Against People With Sensory Processing Disorder.

For example, it requires visual alarms to strobe and to incapacitate us:

4.28.3* Visual Alarms. Visual alarm signal appliances shall be integrated into the building or facility alarm system. If single station audible alarms are provided then single station visual alarm signals shall be provided. Visual alarm signals shall have the following minimum photometric and location features:

(1) The lamp shall be a xenon strobe type or equivalent.

(2) The color shall be clear or nominal white (i.e., unfiltered or clear filtered white light).

(3) The maximum pulse duration shall be two-tenths of one second (0.2 sec) with a maximum duty cycle of 40 percent. The pulse duration is defined as the time interval between initial and final points of 10 percent of maximum signal.

(4) The intensity shall be a minimum of 75 candela.

(5) The flash rate shall be a minimum of 1 Hz and a maximum of 3 Hz.

(6) The appliance shall be placed 80 in (2030 mm) above the highest floor level within the space or 6 in (152 mm) below the ceiling, whichever is lower.

(7) In general, no place in any room or space required to have a visual signal appliance shall be more than 50 ft (15 m) from the signal (in the horizontal plane). In large rooms and spaces exceeding 100 ft (30 m) across, without obstructions 6 ft (2 m) above the finish floor, such as auditoriums, devices may be placed around the perimeter, spaced a maximum 100 ft (30 m) apart, in lieu of suspending appliances from the ceiling.

(8) No place in common corridors or hallways in which visual alarm signalling appliances are required shall be more than 50 ft (15 m) from the signal.


http://www.ada.gov/1991standards/1991standards-archive.html
marjaerwin: (Default)
As long as certain abled people continue beating disabled people, and generally screwing over disabled people, those abled people owe compensation.
marjaerwin: (Default)
[Trigger Warning: Violence]

Beating, gassing, and incapacitating people to “force compliance” is not justified, and does not even make sense.

Does not even make sense: when all you can see or hear or feel is pain, you’re convulsing in pain, you think you might die from the gas they sprayed down your mouth if it got in your lungs, and you want to die to escape the pain, you couldn’t comply if you wanted to.

Is not justified: if you beat people to make them do what you want them to do, that’s bullying and abuse. that’s not a gray area like self-defense.
marjaerwin: (Default)
But because I am disabled, and because I was beaten with backup beepers instead of fists and feet and improvised clubs, and because the pain is from a migraine rather than bruises, it doesn’t count as violence.
marjaerwin: (Default)
It can be really frakking triggering, when we have survived violence, and we talk about the violence, and we get told we must have done something to deserve the violence.

It isn't much better, when we have survived violence, and we have another story about other violence, and we get told that the other victim must have done something to deserve the violence.

It enables people to dismiss any given victim of an injustice, and thereby to dismiss the very existence of an injustice.

It means that people find ways to blame Eric Garner for being choked to death and Tamir Rice for being shot to death by police who don't seem to have given him a chance.

It enables violence and, depending on who is doing the victim-blaming and what power they have, often threatens violence.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I hate it when someone who doesn't face neo-Nazi violence dismisses neo-Nazi violence, claims it doesn't exist, or claims it isn't important, or claims that the survivors are as bad as the thugs who beat us.

I am forced to endure the violence all over again. I am denied the ability to speak out about this violence and condemn this violence and condemn the wilful blindness that allows this violence, because as triggered survivors, and anti-fascists, and people who may well face further neo-Nazi violence, we cannot achieve the privileged 'objectivity' and 'seeing things as they are' of those who need never fear neo-Nazi violence.

When those who do not face violence use their 'objectivity' to silence those who do face violence, it is enabling violence, and victim-blaming, and silencing, and epistemic violence, and triggering all in one.
marjaerwin: (Default)
http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/trans-woman-stabbed-dumped-pond-tied-concrete-ohio300413

A year ago, she was jailed for one hundred days for asserting her identity, asserting her bodily autonomy, and carrying hormones without the Medical Empire's authorization. And now, she has been murdered.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I oppose violence. I refuse to use violence or to participate in violence: no bullets, no ballots.

And yet I can't see any way to stop the violence. I have been bashed by neo-Nazis. Some of my friends have been raped. Countless other lgbt people have been murdered. Countless lgbt kids are being forced into homelessness by anti-lgbt parents.

I am asking for advice on how to stop the violence. A lot of it is invisible violence against invisibilized/marginalized minorities. We need to point out the violence, because the news hardly ever covers the violence. A lot of it is enabled by hatred, victim-blaming, and cultural norms. We need to expose the hatred. We need to expose the ways anti-lesbian, anti-gay, and anti-trans groups defame us, falsify data, encourage violence against us, and encourage genocide against lgbt people abroad [e.g. the 'Kill the Gays' campaign in Uganda]. We need to challenge the victim-blaming. We need to challenge the idea that our love is less meaningful and our identities are less real.

Of course, the hetero-cissupremacists claim we are 'hateful' when we call out their hate for being hateful.
marjaerwin: (Default)
Real Men are violent:

He attacked her like he would any other man, can't have it both ways. If she is going to conduct herself as a man would, then she better be prepared to face violence from overly jealous hot heads.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/starrjaredt/jackie-lloyd-lesbian-assaulted_n_1638312_165192861.html

Real Men can't control their actions:

If a lesbian is stupid enough to make a pass at [talk with] another woman of unknown quantity, she should beware of the potential consequences [a man attacked her and broke her nose].


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/another_looker/jackie-lloyd-lesbian-assaulted_n_1638312_165268220.html

If a lesbian is stupid enough to make a pass at another woman of unknown quantity, she should beware of the potential consequences.

[anti] Gay slurs alone are not hate!


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/another_looker/jackie-lloyd-lesbian-assaulted_n_1638312_165268220.html

She is also lesbian which she is acting in place of a man, butch, or not. She wasn't aware of what men go through. When you approach an seemingly unescorted female, these are the things men are aware instinctively of in a bar, or club environment. And if you are not than likely you have been on the floor looking up before.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/starrjaredt/jackie-lloyd-lesbian-assaulted_n_1638312_165386689.html

Real Men regard lesbians as "problems" to be "solved" with physical violence:

He said he was solving a problem with his attack? What problem did was he attempting to solve? Did Jackie make an unwanted advance toward Mr. Hopper's girlfriend? What would create such ire in a man to attack another person he did not know?


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/another_looker/jackie-lloyd-lesbian-assaulted_n_1638312_165342599.html

There were a couple comments here calling her an abomination and there's still one calling her a he/she. The most extreme comments have been deleted:

http://www.wmctv.com/story/18910890/only-on-5-victim-of-possible-midtown-hate-crime-speaks-out

... But even with the Real Men showing off their violent stupidity, I don't think Valerie Solanas' case has been proven. I think men have the ability to turn their backs on the Real Man nonsense. But they have the responsibility to do that. It's their choice to decide whether to live as human beings who happen to be men, or as inhuman Real Men.
marjaerwin: (Default)
Another lesbophobic bashing in the news, this time in Tennessee... another male Myrmidon mass cheering on the violence, calling for more, and condemning the victim... it makes me sick.

We need to stop this violence, and we need to stop the victim-blaming. So many of us have already suffered violence that one attack can trigger many womyn, and a few attacks can intimidate many more. And the victim-blaming teaches us to be ashamed and to keep quiet. It keeps us isolated when we need each other. It keeps us from supporting each other. We are not alone. There are tens of millions of womyn [and also men] in this country alone who have survived bashings or rapes or other attacks. I'm sure many of you have. There are more of us than of our attackers, so we can isolate them where they have isolated us. Where to begin?
marjaerwin: (Default)
http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/tonight-at-6pm-emergency-rally-in-response-to-transphobic-police-violence/

There are several power differentials involved here. The shooter had, reportedly, made sexual advances towards one of his victims, and been refused. I shudder at the idea that a desire to screw another human being could ever turn into a desire to harm her.

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