marjaerwin: (Default)

Because ptsd is not simply a problem with us - it is very much a problem with society, power, and disempowerment. I can't talk about my ptsd without talking about politics, because the violence is political, and the threats are political, and the absence of safe space is political, and the dependence on abusers is political, and the victim-blaming is political. I know politics can get a lot of us angry. But it's still necessary to have spaces to talk about politics and movements to change the world, if we are ever to be able to function again.
marjaerwin: (Default)
It's hard. Some beatings, some stuff I'd rather not talk about, a death in the family, and frequent reminders that I don't control my own life have sucked all the joy out of my own life.

P.S. I've had good days and bad in the past three weeks. I'm triggered now, but on the whole I'm doing better these days than I was then. I've got a better idea too, of what keeps bringing me back to the beatings, and the other stuff I've survived, and the fear. Maybe I can work through it after all. Maybe it will start getting better instead of worse.


Jan. 20th, 2012 06:57 pm
marjaerwin: (Default)
Was just talking about our experiences of being bullied. I started being bullied in first grade, and was continually bullied through twelfth grade. It is not something we all experience or something we all grow through. It's something that a few people never experience, and some people occasionally experience, and visibly-different people are likely to experience day after day and year after year. That can break you. But the most toxic thing is the pecking order. I learned I would suffer a little less bullying if I turned that bullying onto someone even more bullying. That was wrong. I wonder if it was the price of my survival.

Some teachers and administrators turned a blind eye to the bullying. Some punished the bullied and bullies alike. A few punished the bullied and encouraged the bullies.

What else bothers me is when people with political and religious influence support the bullying. They tell people that being different is 'immoral' and they forget that hurting people is the definition of immoral.
marjaerwin: (Default)
A bit angry right now. The courts sent out jury questionnaires, partially filled out, and in my case partially filled out with incorrect information. I was not quite sure what to do: I am vulnerable to punishment for not filling out the questionnaire, for filling it out since the pre-printed parts were wrong, and for believing that the courts and the government are systems of injustice in any case.


marjaerwin: (Default)

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