marjaerwin: (Default)
Beating people up is an act of violence! It's not okay just because we're disabled and you're complying with the law!
marjaerwin: (Default)
“I'm not an "ableist", I resent being called one, and I'm not going to sterilize my language of useful words. You, however, have gone from tone-trolling to name calling. You might want to think about what that says about you.”

I was literally responding to your use of eugenicist slurs to call other people names. Yet you accuse me of "name calling." And you are offended that I object to these slurs. Yet you accuse me of "tone trolling.”

We live in an ableist society. 50% of the people killed by police are disabled. 40% of the homeless are disabled. Public transportation may be inaccessible depending on disabilities. Streets, sidewalks, and crosswalks may be inaccessible. Government services will be inaccessible depending on disabilities.

It's impossible to escape these attitudes. I've learned a lot of ableism, and I'm trying to unlearn it.
marjaerwin: (Default)
“I****,” “i*******,” and “m****” were classifications in forced sterilization campaigns. Carrie Buck was classified as a “m****” and Buck v. Bell claimed “three generations of i******** are enough.”

“But everyone uses those words!”

Not everyone, but most people.

And most people beat and endanger disabled people.

I have hyperacusis and a non-epileptic strobe sensitivity. So policymakers beat me up and endanger me with their insistence on backup beaters, sirens, strobe lights, turn signals, etc. And drivers beat me up and endanger me.

“Tone Trolling!”

It’s already left me vomiting after one pre-dawn strobing, and it’s already gotten me hit by a car. So excuse me if I’m *angry* about ableism.
marjaerwin: (Default)
Three ways abled discourse excludes disabled people's voices:

1. Hostility. For example, triggering survivors makes it harder for survivors to join in and be understood.

2. Passivity. For example, using formats which exclude blind people, or exclude deaf people, makes it harder for blind people, or deaf people to join in and be understood.

3. Majoritarianism. For example, dismissing minority groups' language to describe our experiences, especially where these diverge from the majority's experiences.

I have sensory disabilities. Including hyperacusis. I know a few common words for strobings, though not enough. I haven't any common words for beatings and for those of us with hyperacusis. I try to use the available words, such as beatings, pain-beatings, sound-beatings, sensory bombardment, pain-hammers, backup beaters, sirens, car horns, etc. But it's hard to be understood.
marjaerwin: (Default)
So far I’ve contacted the VCLU and the DLCV. Neither one can help. The DLCV directed me to the sites of the agencies which mandate the beatings and strobings.


I have sensory processing issues, including a sound sensitivity/hyperacusis, and a strobe sensitivity. I can't take the beatings and strobings.

Beatings. Because of my sound sensitivity, pain hurts, and extreme pain, such as from sirens and backup beepers, can completely incapacitate me so I am unable to stand up or crawl away. I have been hit by both sirens and backup beepers while crossing the street, causing me to collapse in agony in the middle of the street. I also get hit by backup beepers at home. I have 26 nrr earplugs, and 37 nrr ear protectors, but they provide less than half their rated protection, so they aren't enough to withstand backup beepers or sirens, so I may still collapse in agony in the middle of the street. I am not supposed to wear them at all times, though I wear them whenever going outside and I keep them in reach when inside. I have also cut out tea and other foods that can worsen sound sensitivity.

Strobings. I have some type of low-frequency strobe sensitivity. My eeg was negative for photosensitive epilepsy. I get blinded and unbalanced by flashing lights. I stumble and sometimes stumble into the street after getting hit by flashing lights from multiple directions, such as turn signals, safety lights, crosswalk lights, etc. at an intersection. I avoid major intersections. I still have to shield my eyes from turn signals. I was hit by a car last June while crossing at a crosswalk at a minor intersection. I have a hard time getting around, because of all the flashing lights. I can also get migraines from flashing lights. I had a nasty migraine, and vomiting on the second or third day, after being strobed by blue lights before dawn last October. I have Polare sunglasses which are supposed to shield against the worst frequencies. I also have blackout curtains, but they weren't enough to deal with post-dusk or pre-dawn strobings.

I'm doing all I can to cope with the beatings and the strobings, and it's not enough. Do I have any legal protections or legal recourse?

P.S. Because of my sound sensitivity, phones are not accessible.

Marja Erwin
marjaerwin: (Default)
I have been sick for two days with migraines and vomiting after getting strobed. Many people can have seizures from getting strobed.

P.S. I keep getting strobed.

Turn signals, unsafety signals, and hazardous lights all blind me, disorient me, sometimes hit me with migraines, and sometimes cause me to stumble into the street.

Emergency lights blind me, disorient me, inevitably hit me with migraines, cause me to lose my balance, and leave me sick and in agony for days afterwards.

P.P.S. Someone is firing a fast strobe out by the road right now. I know that those of us with strobe sensitivities aren’t allowed to drive on abled people’s roads, but we still have to walk down abled people’s roads, cross abled people’s roads, etc. I am safe here and I hope no one gets injured or killed this time.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I am disabled and I get beaten up several times each week. I have sound sensitivities, hyperacusis, and strobe sensitivities, and the widespread use of backup beepers, sirens, strobe lights, turn signals, etc. can incapacitate and endanger me. Current government policies treat those of us with similar disabilities as acceptable collateral damage, and Trump's policies won't improve things, and his encouragement of rape culture and neo-Nazism will add new dangers to the existing dangers. I got especially badly strobed before dawn one thursday last month, and was still in agony and vomiting the next saturday.

I have to wear ear plugs, ear protectors, and special sunglasses to go outside. I can't cross the street at busy intersections, due to all the turn signals, and can't use the phones, due to the fact that they're phones. I don't have access to regular work, or to the bus system, or to the poison control system, or other things abled people might take for granted.

I used to reject voting as violence. But the status quo is violence, and worsening it is violence, and voting to pressure politicians to stop hurting us isn't comparable violence. (Obviously voting to pressure politicians to continue hurting us is violence and those voters, like those politicians, have blood on their hands.)
marjaerwin: (Default)
When you get beaten up, and people hassle you for screaming in pain and sometimes anger when you get beaten up.
marjaerwin: (Default)
A lot of people believe, first, that disability is always a problem with disabled people, and never in any way a oroblem with ableist society.

A lot of people believe, second, that if we just put our minds to it, we can overcome anything.

And that extends to holding that, first, it’s our responsibility to accommodate ourselves to all the accessibility barriers they pretend don’t exist, and all the violence they pretend doesn’t occur, and also, to all the slurs.

According to the New York Times and the Harriet Tubman Collective, 60% to 80% of the people killed by police were disabled:

And that's the tip of the iceberg of ableist policy.

Now, I have sensory processing issues. I can’t accommodate myself to backup beepers or strobe lights. I got very badly strobed before dawn on thursday, and was still in pain and vomiting saturday. I might be able to work on my balance to accommodate myself to the occasional car horn or turn signal, but still not to the busy intersections they expect me to cross at. If I’m hit by flashing lights, I will be blinded by them, and if I’m hit by flashing lights from several directions, I will lose my balance - and sometimes stumble into the street.

So if I’m going to function or even survive, other people have to stop hitting me so often.

I am at their mercy. And if they decide that ableism is a-okay, and that beating people up is a-okay, I am not okay; I will probably still be beaten again and again, and hit by cars once or twice or three times more, and eventually killed.

So that’s why the slurs hurt so much.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I got temp-banned a couple years ago for asking some accessibility questions.

I got banned again today for objecting to an ableist slur.

These have two things in common:

Both times, I objected to ableism.

And both times, after my post disappeared, I assumed it was just another glitch, and I reposted.

They have a formal rule against reposting deleted posts. But computers and internet connections glitch all the time, which is why we are all encouraged to save before posting, in case we have to repost. Everyone reposts. So banning people for reposting doesn’t make any sense, and isn’t believable. They didn’t bother to tell me that they’d deliberately deleted the post, or why, so I assumed it was just another glitch and I reposted. But banning people for objecting to ableism, and covering it with bullshit about banning for reposting is quite believable.
marjaerwin: (Default)
At least to me, and probably, under the wrong circumstances, to many other people.

I have to shield my eyes from the flashing lights to be able to walk down the street, or to cross it; if I can’t shield my eyes, or I get hit from unexpected directions, I can end up walking into the street. And that happens again and again and that will probably kill me.

I know that even neurotypical helicopter pilots sometimes crash because of the flashing lights and the resulting disorientation. So it follows that, under the wrong circumstances, the flashing lights which endanger me could endanger many more people. I suspect that sleep deprivation, inner ear problems, and nsaid poisoning could cause that.

I suspect that I’m the canary in the coal mine. I know I don’t know that. I refuse to accept that I’m acceptable collateral damage.


Feb. 23rd, 2016 02:14 pm
marjaerwin: (Default)
I just hd to go over a low wall and through sme bushes to get around a strobe battery. It wasn't hard for me, but it could be hard for other people.

Three things stand out:

First, someone with multiple intersecting disabilities can face worse traps than smeone with a few non-intersecting disabilities.

Second, people keep putting strobe lights in public places.

Third, people built both barriers.

These aren't natural unavoidable obstacles.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I have a hard time dealing with sensory beatings, the inability to escape the beatings, and the attitudes that enable the beatings, such as the idea that it’s not violence if it wouldn’t affect abled people, and the idea that we’re exaggerating or even lying.

I am being beaten again and again, and I feel like I’m being gaslit by many people the rest of the time.

P.S. Maybe I could use resources on coping with gaslighting? resources for autistic people coping with society-wide/structural gaslighting, because it could be different for allistic people or anyone dealing with one-on-one gaslighting?

P.P.S. Or whatever you want to call it, but abled people insisting that our experiences aren’t real, that talking about our experiences makes us “selfish liars,” that talking about our rights and needs is “deciding for other people,” etc.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I have severe sensory processing issues, including severe hyperacusis.

I am unable to support myself or to move elsewhere, due to my sensory issues, the beatings, and other health issues.

I am unable to go anywhere near construction, due to my hyperacusis. Backup beepers are an absolute agony. When I am hit by backup beepers, I can’t do anything but curl up, scream in pain, and hope to die. I already wear ear plugs and ear protectors to help with all the other noises, but they aren’t nearly enough protection against backup beepers.

I just recieved notice of a construction project a couple blocks away. It may begin as early as February 19th.

I don’t think I’ll be able to get away.

I don’t think I’ll be able to survive the noise bombardment.

Logically, I should kill myself before the noise bombardment, and spare myself the agony.

I want some other option.

I've emailed the audiologist. I don't know what else I can do.
marjaerwin: (Default)
But they are, causing who knows how many accidents.

Strobe lights are disorienting, often blinding, and often agonizingly painful. Strobe lights can cause migraines. For some people, strobe lights can cause seizures.

Strobe lights do not belong in public spaces, because whenever they are used they bar people with sensory processing disorder and/or with photosensitive epilepsy from those spaces, making the private spaces for abled people.
marjaerwin: (Default)
In any discussion of eugenics, 4 out of 5 abled people will say it’s not eugenics, and 9 out of 10 will say it’s a good thing.

This isn't about the sometimes-awkward intersection of anti-eugenicism and reproductive rights. This is about the idea that the way to address disability issues is to eliminate certain groups of people, rather than to try to include and accommodate all people. This scares me.

In any discussion of eugenicism, abled people will speak over disabled people, and silence disabled people, to decide whose life is worth living.

Abled people don’t generally have the knowledge or the moral authority to say we should eliminate some inborn condition among disabled people. Disabled people, living with that particular condition, may have the knowledge and moral authority, and we may disagree with each other. Abled people, if anything, have an obligation to en-able those they have previously dis-abled.
marjaerwin: (Default)
Apparently neurotypical people get less sensitive to repeating and/or continuous noise. I get more sensitive to repeating and/or continuing noise.

Apparently neurotypical people don’t see pain when they see flashing lights. I see pain when I see flashing lights.

Apparently neurotypical people are less sensitive to noise on a narrower bandwidth. I may be more sensitive to noise on a narrower bandwidth. I can’t tell, but beeping noises, and certain singing styles, are especially painful.

Apparently neurotypical people tend to have loudness discomfort levels around 90-100 db. I have a loudness discomfort level between 52-62 decibels, depending on my migraines.

And everything’s built around neurotypical people’s needs, without even knowing about sensory-neurodiverse needs.
marjaerwin: (Default)
I've been trying to register for My Sprint Relay, because I have sensory issues, including hyperacusis, and I can't make phone calls.

Once I complete the first part of registration, I get an email which, after some identifying info, states:

Sprint Relay Customer Service has received your registration request. To complete the FCC required verification process, please contact Sprint Relay Customer Service through and click on the link "Need Help? Call Customer Service" or contact 800-676-3777. A representative will be available Monday-Friday from 6 AM - 11 PM CT.

Thank you

If I click the "Need Help? Call Customer Service" link, I get an email, but each time I write to that email, I get something to the effect of:

Hello [name],

To complete the FCC required verification process, please contact Sprint Relay customer service through and click on the link "Need Help/" Call Customer service or contact 800-676-3777. A representative will be available Monday-Friday from 6am-11pm CT.

Thank you

Finally getting somewhere, but not any closer to registration:

Do you have access to a TTY or to a Video Phone? If so, you can contact us through the relay operator at 1-800-676-3777

P.S. Okay, there was also a chat option, which was hard to find because of my browser settings.

I got through on chat, and they require a drivers licence and a utility bill. I have sensory processing disorder so can’t drive, can’t bike, can’t ride the bus, and can barely cross the street because of the strobe lights everywhere. And can’t get through the bureaucracy because of the strobe lights there. Frak ableist Fcc requirements.
marjaerwin: (Default)
Commentator: Depends what kind of vibe you give me, if you avoid eye contact, fidgeting in your seat, hiding hands then yes I get suspicious.

Me: I am autistic. I guess my existence must be suspicious behavior to you and to police who think like you.
marjaerwin: (Default)
The Government's Interpretation of the Americans With Disabilities Act Mandates Violence Against People With Sensory Processing Disorder.

For example, it requires visual alarms to strobe and to incapacitate us:

4.28.3* Visual Alarms. Visual alarm signal appliances shall be integrated into the building or facility alarm system. If single station audible alarms are provided then single station visual alarm signals shall be provided. Visual alarm signals shall have the following minimum photometric and location features:

(1) The lamp shall be a xenon strobe type or equivalent.

(2) The color shall be clear or nominal white (i.e., unfiltered or clear filtered white light).

(3) The maximum pulse duration shall be two-tenths of one second (0.2 sec) with a maximum duty cycle of 40 percent. The pulse duration is defined as the time interval between initial and final points of 10 percent of maximum signal.

(4) The intensity shall be a minimum of 75 candela.

(5) The flash rate shall be a minimum of 1 Hz and a maximum of 3 Hz.

(6) The appliance shall be placed 80 in (2030 mm) above the highest floor level within the space or 6 in (152 mm) below the ceiling, whichever is lower.

(7) In general, no place in any room or space required to have a visual signal appliance shall be more than 50 ft (15 m) from the signal (in the horizontal plane). In large rooms and spaces exceeding 100 ft (30 m) across, without obstructions 6 ft (2 m) above the finish floor, such as auditoriums, devices may be placed around the perimeter, spaced a maximum 100 ft (30 m) apart, in lieu of suspending appliances from the ceiling.

(8) No place in common corridors or hallways in which visual alarm signalling appliances are required shall be more than 50 ft (15 m) from the signal.


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